November - 2017

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When Solutions Become Problems

Process > Content, Part II

Process > Content

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Intellectual Unhappiness

Intellectual Unhappiness

One thing I have noticed among my more intellectual clients is an increased emphasis on, well, intellectualism. Among these very bright, educated, and discerning people, there seems to be little or no recognition that there exists an emotional, as well as an intellectual (logical, rational), experience of the world. And if there is recognition of an emotional experience, it almost always takes a back seat to the intellectual. In thinking about my own education—my "schooling,"

Will You Change Me, Or Will You Accept Me?

Will You Change Me, Or Will You Accept Me?

Each therapist has, to varying degrees, made a decision on the fundamental question of their work, which is how they are going to be helpful. And there are two basic attitudes that they can choose from: the first involves solving clients’ problems, whereas the second is concerned with finding a way for clients to solve their own problems. Whichever attitude a therapist chooses, it manifests in almost everything he or she does, from handling referrals, to holding the frame, to

Saying Goodbye

Saying Goodbye

A time inevitably comes when a therapist and client must part ways. Some people think a time limit needs to be set beforehand—for example, ten sessions—but I’m a firm believer that a person should be allowed to stay as long as he or she likes. I once had a client tell me he thinks he will need therapy for the rest of his life. “How come?” I asked. “Because I don’t have a supportive family,” he replied. Even in the most extreme cases, though, a therapist and client will eventu

30/30/30/10: The Relationship

30/30/30/10: The Relationship

The last of the three major factors that promote change is the relationship between you and your counselor. Some people conceptualize the relationship as being helpful because it paves the way for "the important work." For example, if you like your counselor enough to trust him/her, then you can begin the important work of saying things that you would be uncomfortable saying to someone else. For others, the relationship is the curative factor, not merely something that promot