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When Solutions Become Problems

Process > Content, Part II

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30/30/30/10: The Space

30/30/30/10: The Space

The “space” of therapy means a few things. There is, of course, the literal office space. Then there is the (ideally) regular appointment time, a space in your calendar that you set aside for therapy every week or every other week. Finally, there is space in the sense that you and your therapist are going to work together to create an environment that you need at the moment. The space will fill a hole that is missing in your everyday life. If therapy becomes a “safe space,” i

30/30/30/10: The Activity

30/30/30/10: The Activity

In my last post, I shared the idea that the activity, the space, and the relationship are the primary determinants of success in therapy, with a pinch of an extra, unknowable something in each case. Although the activity, space, and relationship are all important components, this does not mean they always participate equally. For one person, the relationship might be the main thing that helps them heal. For another, it might be the space. For others, it is primarily the activ

30/30/30/10: The Concept

30/30/30/10: The Concept

Over the next few weeks, I am going to introduce my 30/30/30/10 rule of therapy and explain its components. First, let’s begin with what the concept is. If you think about why therapy is helpful, the answer is not immediately obvious. In fact, the deeper you dive into the question, sometimes the murkier the answers appear to be. The 30/30/30/10 rule is my way of helping people understand why therapy is effective: 30% is due to the activity of talking about yourself and your l

Myths About Therapy: Happily Ever After

Myths About Therapy: Happily Ever After

“Happily ever after,” an idea-fixture in our minds that is undoubtedly reinforced by our media, can make reality seem disappointing in contrast. Retirement is a good example. The narrative of retirement is certainly one of “sailing off into the sunset.” With your life’s work complete, you are free to do whatever you like, absent all those worries that dogged you for so many years. The truth is that retirement is usually an extremely difficult transition for people to make—mad